The Chrysler Deal

Well, well, the UAW now owns Chrysler. At least that's what the paperwork says. Ironic isn't it? The union that helped to kill the industry now owns part of it. According to media sources, when the dust settles from the Chrysler bankrupcy and Fiat deal, the UAW will own 55% of Chrysler, Fiat will own 20%, the US Government will own 8% and the Canadian Government will own 2%. Sounds just peachy, doesn't it? Everyone gets a piece of the Chrysler pie.

But something is rotten with this deal, somewhere. Even though the US Government only owns 8% of the company, it gets to name four of the nine members of the Board of Directors. Fiat names three, the UAW gets one, and Canada gets one.

Let's get this straight. The UAW owns the majority stake, but only gets one Board Member? The US Government owns 8%, but names four? I would have loved to see that worked out in the smoke-filled back room.

Perhaps it went a little something like this....(it's possible)

Administration: Hey guys. You know what we want.
UAW: Lemme guess.... Power! No--Control... No--Dictatorship!
(Laughs all around the table)
Admin: Seriously.... we don't care who gets the money. We just want to run things.
UAW: We'll take care of the money for you!
Fiat: Hey, weesa gonna getta our money, too!
Canada: (snore)
Admin: Hey UAW! How much did you contribute to the campaign last fall?
UAW: A lady never tells!
(Laughs all around again)
Admin: We remember. You guys, you get the company. How's 45% sound?
UAW: You know who you're talkin' to? We're the UAW. We own the Democrat Party. We'll do the percentages. Fifty-five or we'll break your kneecaps.
Fiat: Hey, whatta bouta our money?
Admin : (to Fiat) Shut up. (to UAW) OK, OK, 55%. But we get to call the shots in the office.
UAW: Hey, whadda we care how the company's run? We haven't yet, why start now?
Canada: (snore)
Fiat: HEY WHATTA--
Admin and UAW: SHUT UP!
UAW: Stinkin' weasels... let's give 'em... oh...say 30% and tell 'em to shove off!
Admin: We could... but somebody's got to actually run the company. Think they could do that?
UAW: Fiat? Do they even make cars?
Fiat: Our cars are da finest cars ina all of the entire--
Admin: Hey--for the last time, shut it. When we want you to talk, we'll tell you what to say.
UAW: Capiche?
Admin: (to Fiat) Fifteen percent and three seats. See if you can find someone in Tuscany or somewhere who can build cars, OK? Bring 'em on over, because they are going to actually run the place.
Fiat: Fiat no gonna be insulted like-a this!
UAW: Do it or we'll break your kneecaps.
Fiat: Fiat only take-a twenty percent, no less!
Admin: Fine, have it your way. Twenty percent and three seats. Done.
UAW: We get the money...
Admin: We get control...
Fiat: And we finally getta chance to build-a cars in America!
Canada: (snore)

I wonder who they'll get to run GM? I hear that Hyundai has a few extra chaps on its Board of Directors...